I'm On A Wavelength Far From Home

Dr. Heckyll & Mr. Jive

2009-08-15T04:01:53Z

I'm flabbergasted! How can this be? The band (Men At Work) that produced the song (Down Under) that has become an iconic representation of the country from which I hail unto thee (Australia), also released THIS gem and I had NO IDEA. WOW.

Third Annual Pumpkin Carve Off

2007-11-07T07:38:34Z

The Third Annual Pumpkin Carve Off is under way my friends.

Go and check out the contesting pumpkins this year and vote at either:

Crickie's LJ, or
The Scott English Show

Misadventures in Wine

2007-01-28T22:45:22Z

Note to Self: Remember, when opening a bottle of Wild Vines Blackberry Merlot, that it has a cap, not a cork. It will make the bottle considerably easier to store later on if you do. Thanks in advance.

Note to self regarding above note to self: I guess that the above note to self is fairly irrelevant if you decide to go and finish the entire bloody bottle in one day. So you know.

Note to self regarding above note to self: Finidhing a bloody bottle of Wild Vines Blackberry Merlot in one day tends to give you a kick arse headache and put you to sleep. Just a heads up an' all.

Stealing the Dead, Wounding Lives

2006-11-16T04:53:31Z

This morning I when I went to pick up my Gypsy Girl's ashes from the Centerville Rd Animal Clinic in Garland, TX, I was told that they had experience a burglary the evening before. Among what was stolen were the remains of my cremated cat. One of the loves of my wife and I's lives. As if we were not traumatised enough by her passing, now we are faced with not being able to bring her back to rest where she finally needs to be. At home.

My wife and I are so distraught over this.

You probably wont believe how incredibly this hurts.

I know this is such a long shot, but I really have to try...

$500 reward for the return/information leading to the return of the cremated remains of our beloved Gypsy. No questions asked. My email is zephirknight@livejournal.com.

And yes, have taken an ad out in the local paper and on craigslist

And Its On!!!

2006-11-13T07:25:46Z

After a postponement due to some personal issues that took up my attention at the time, crickie and zephirknight's Annual Pumpkin Carve Off for 2006 is now underway! Please take a quick moment to jump over to Crickie's post to get a gander at the two contestants, the owners of which will be revealed once the votes are in.

Put in your vote for the one that takes your fancy.

Your vote counts!

For Crickie

2006-10-05T05:45:43Z

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday Dear crickie!
Happy Birthday to YOU!

(and maaaaany mooooore!)

Click here

I hope that you have a truly wonderful day, and a truly wonderful next year. Here's to wishing you another happy birthday next year!

An eye opening post about smoking

2006-09-15T16:02:23Z

Or at least it was for me. I am working on quitting smoking again. Part of this process for me has been doing some research on smoking and its effects. I was immediately shocked by what I discovered. I started compiling figures and doing comparisons, such as:

If you took the number of current smokers in the US and said that each one only smoked two cigarettes (I know, I know), and then laid the total number of smokes that would be consumed end to end, you'd end up with a line 29 million feet long (or 80,556 football fields in length).

From just one day, with all the smokers only puffing on two a day!

There's several more interesting factoids (including one that involves Mt Everest), as well as some scary ones in Smoking Facts Every Smoker Should Know over at my The Scott English Show blog. And feel free to pimp it, or pass it along to someone who might be thinking about quitting.

OMFG Its RAINING!!!

2006-08-06T21:40:46Z

I said to Glenn, a co-worker, that I would do a little dance if it ever rained here in Dallas again....

Illegal Sprinklering

2006-08-06T03:32:53Z

The neighbours across the alley have their sprinkler on. Its not our designated watering day. Now that I think about it, they've had it on for at least the last three evenings. Not that I care enough to report them. But the sound of their sprinkler grinds on my nerves as I think about my dying lawn.

zephirknight @ 2006-08-05T21:10:00

2006-08-06T02:07:44Z

Damn weeds!

zephirknight @ 2006-08-05T19:58:00

2006-08-06T00:55:45Z

Dry and cracking foundations.
Horribly wilted plants.
Dead or dying grass.
Water restrictions.
Sweltering heat.
Summer.

I've been LJ Syndicated!

2006-07-09T22:06:00Z

I've moved off LJ to my own blog site The Scott English Show (see here for an explanation). But for those of you that don't want to have to go visit yet another site to read my witty, humourous insights, tfcocs was ever so kind as to create an syndicated LJ feed for me:

The Scott English Show

Just subscribe to it and get your regular dose served right up in your LJ Friends page.

Thanks tfcocs!

GOODBYE LIVEJOURNAL

2006-07-09T20:28:16Z

That's right ladies and gentleman, and good friends. I'm outta here. Blowing this joint. Abandoning ship. Bailing. Booking out of here.

Most of you have noticed that I have not been posting recently... and that's true. I haven't. But that's primarily because I have been concentrating heavily on a new project... conceptualizing it, implementing it, putting it together and tweaking it.

Whats this new project you might ask?

My own website. With my own blog.

Why? Because I have so much more control, so much more room to be creative, and so much more flexibility with my own site that LJ just doesn't give me.

So here's where I ask a favour of all my friends. If you can remember when I posted more regularly, if you can remember having a chuckle over something I posted, if you can remember finding any of my stuff interesting... then I ask you to come check out The Scott English Show. And please bookmark and come visit me regularly. I'll be updating content regularly. Seriously. Now that I have something that is MINE, I am much more interested in expressing myself and blabbing on. So if you want to come and see what I am rambling about, make sure you stop by.

Note: As it always has been, feedback is a sort of fuel that pushes me onward, lets me know your thoughts, and tells me what you like and don't. It also lets me get to know a bit more about you. So please comment, if you feel like you have something to say. I know the fact that you need to go to another site just to read ME is going to lose some of your readership. And that makes me a little sad, but this is a new direction I need to go in. So please stop by and comment like madmen.

Mostly the site currently contains what *I* consider my more memorable posts ported over from LJ. Hey browse anyway, you might discover some stuff you missed before now. And new content is imminent.

Does this mean you should just de-friend me on LJ now? I hope not. I'll still be here. I'll still occasionally post the day to day stuff that doesn't have a place on The Scott English Show. And I'll still be back here regularly reading you all and commenting when I have something witty to add ;) So, I hope I don't lose any of you off LJ as a result. You are on my friends list because I enjoy reading you. That wont change.

Wish me luck, and come stop by: The Scott English Show

Some photos

2006-06-25T21:37:01Z

Our crepe myrtles are blooming!

Keet had a problem with his bladder, I wont go into gruesome details but he had to have surgey to remove what most people define as "maleness".

He's had some adjusting to do, getting used to his new apparel.

But he is still the fun loving cat that makes him so adorable.

This is a sign that He has come. By my calculations, He landed somewhere in Dallas, Texas.

Ma, I made it into an Encyclopedia!

2006-06-25T18:49:14Z

*struts*

Its at the bottom of the Recent Developments section, last paragraph.

Finally... all that hard work pays off. *rolls eyes*

CV, finally

2006-06-21T01:13:08Z

Some of the reason I've been quiet recently: I've almost completed updating my resume. With any luck it will increase the nibbles I've been getting from small fish, and perhaps even hook a large game fish.

I would appreciate any constructive criticism.

Danka!

Teaching an old dog old tricks

2006-06-17T05:32:22Z

FOr some readspnm I decided to try to get myself baxxck into touchjtyoung. Its going to br a lonf drawn out ride!

Translation: For some reason I decided to try to get myself back into touchtyping. Its going to be a log drawn out ride!

I feel like Stephen Hawkins. Except, well... less brilliant.

zephirknight @ 2006-06-10T23:34:00

2006-06-11T04:31:48Z

Larry LaPrise dies

2006-05-07T19:31:13Z

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it's worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.

(courtesy of my wife via email)

zephirknight @ 2006-05-07T12:46:00

2006-05-07T17:44:44Z

- If I ever owned a market I would make sure that it was round. That way, no bastard could sneak in and corner it.

- WTFWJD?

- When people find out that I'm an Australian, they often ask me to tell them about my country. If I delve into the history of the country, I try to refer to it as a prison colony, not a penal colony. That way I dont give the impression that it was just a male-only nudist resort.

- If I am ever out in the fields and I get attacked by a giant beetle of some sort, I am going to run for the nearest stretch of concrete. When the hungry beetle follows, I am going to suddenly turn around and barge into it, knocking it onto its back. Then I shall taunt it as it tries to right itself. If the barging thing doesn't work, I'll just keep running.

- In a previous post, my wife responded and asked if anyone could imagine what it was like living with me. I'll tell you. Its like a barrel of laughs: a lot of laughs in a slightly rotund container.

This guy's interpretation of The Evolution of Dance is as good, if not better than that trombone guy's performance! (Ganked from momof4sweeties).

How to Have a Hotly Linked Post

2006-05-05T05:19:05Z

Evidently, you have to make icons or write in Russian.

Random Shots

2006-05-03T00:34:20Z

My knee. I was branded before I escaped the prison colony in Australia.
(Actually, I had just leaned against something in the garage).

Sunday evening's sky.

There I was eagerly awaiting as The Heavens opened up before me.. but alas, The Second Coming didn't occur. I think they were just doing a trial run to work the kinks out of the system.

I think the workers at Coors are using a little too much of their own product.

There's a Sago Monster on my back porch.

Insert Laughs HERE

2006-04-30T23:03:21Z

I got into lots of trouble while learning to drive.
I had a problem using the brake pedal.
It wasn't because I didnt want to come to a stop.
I just didn't know if I could afford to replace what I broke.

I like watering plants.
It gives me a sense of power over the plants.
Because they cannot water themselves.
Don't piss me off, plant, or I shall not water you.

The other day my wife asked my daughter to clean her room.
I said to my wife, "Why didn't you just ask her to cure cancer, you'll have the same result."

I had a pot of cactii in which two of the cactii died suddenly.
I left the dead cactii in the pot to serve as a warning to all of the other cactii that were having rebellious thoughts:
"This is what you will look like if you stray from the path of growth and development."
You see, cactii appreciate negative reinforcement, they use it themselves:
If you try to stroke a cactus lovingly, it will prick you.
I think they will get my message.

When I was a kid I discovered a frozen slug in our freezer.
I was confused as to how he got there.
Then I realised that he must have come in on the iceberg lettuce.

When I dig a hole in the dirt, I like to make a mound out of the extra dirt as close as I can to the hole. That way I wont throw off the earth's gravitational spin.

I like digging in clay because its texturally challenging. Other dirt is like"oh ok", but clay is like "No! I'm going to hang around here for a while."

Male cats have it easy. All they need to worry about is getting it in the box. They have no concerns about female cats bitching that they didn't put the seat down.

Taking a nap on your weekend is nice until you wake up and wonder where the hell it all went and then realise you have to go back to work tomorrow.

One Less Idol

2006-04-21T06:47:24Z

While watching Iron Chef America this evening I stumbled upon a very disconcerting discovery about Alton Brown:

He prefers the legs and thighs of a chicken!

He's a dark meat kind of person.

And as such I am now convinced, despite all previous evidence to the contrary, that the gentleman has a warped sense of taste. Or perhaps even none at all. Dark meat is definitely not good eats.

*sigh*

And so I head back into my kitchen, down one role model that I used to look up to.... Rachel, please don't abandon me like that heathen, Alton.

Signing out for now,
Zeph. (confirmed breast man)

BTW: Amy now likes Mr. Brown even more than before. Bunch of freaks!

Asparagus Parcels go Boom!

2006-04-12T02:43:44Z

I failed tonight in delivering dinner: Asparagus Parcels.

I now have an official arch-nemesis in the kitchen: Phyllo Dough. And I do declare: "From this day forth, no Phyllo Dough will pass across my cutting board".

I'm only posting this because Amy liked the title. You can all move along, and I'll go wimper in the corner...hungry.