The Third Annual Pumpkin Carve Off is under way my friends.

Go and check out the contesting pumpkins this year and vote at either:

Crickie's LJ, or
The Scott English Show

Note to Self: Remember, when opening a bottle of Wild Vines Blackberry Merlot, that it has a cap, not a cork. It will make the bottle considerably easier to store later on if you do. Thanks in advance.

Note to self regarding above note to self: I guess that the above note to self is fairly irrelevant if you decide to go and finish the entire bloody bottle in one day. So you know.

Note to self regarding above note to self: Finidhing a bloody bottle of Wild Vines Blackberry Merlot in one day tends to give you a kick arse headache and put you to sleep. Just a heads up an' all.

This morning I when I went to pick up my Gypsy Girl's ashes from the Centerville Rd Animal Clinic in Garland, TX, I was told that they had experience a burglary the evening before. Among what was stolen were the remains of my cremated cat. One of the loves of my wife and I's lives. As if we were not traumatised enough by her passing, now we are faced with not being able to bring her back to rest where she finally needs to be. At home.

My wife and I are so distraught over this.

You probably wont believe how incredibly this hurts.

I know this is such a long shot, but I really have to try...

$500 reward for the return/information leading to the return of the cremated remains of our beloved Gypsy. No questions asked. My email is zephirknight@livejournal.com.

And yes, have taken an ad out in the local paper and on craigslist

After a postponement due to some personal issues that took up my attention at the time, crickie and zephirknight's Annual Pumpkin Carve Off for 2006 is now underway! Please take a quick moment to jump over to Crickie's post to get a gander at the two contestants, the owners of which will be revealed once the votes are in.

Put in your vote for the one that takes your fancy.

Your vote counts!

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday Dear crickie!
Happy Birthday to YOU!

(and maaaaany mooooore!)

Click here



I hope that you have a truly wonderful day, and a truly wonderful next year. Here's to wishing you another happy birthday next year!

Or at least it was for me. I am working on quitting smoking again. Part of this process for me has been doing some research on smoking and its effects. I was immediately shocked by what I discovered. I started compiling figures and doing comparisons, such as:

If you took the number of current smokers in the US and said that each one only smoked two cigarettes (I know, I know), and then laid the total number of smokes that would be consumed end to end, you'd end up with a line 29 million feet long (or 80,556 football fields in length).

From just one day, with all the smokers only puffing on two a day!

There's several more interesting factoids (including one that involves Mt Everest), as well as some scary ones in Smoking Facts Every Smoker Should Know over at my The Scott English Show blog. And feel free to pimp it, or pass it along to someone who might be thinking about quitting.

I said to Glenn, a co-worker, that I would do a little dance if it ever rained here in Dallas again....

( And being a man true to my word... )

The neighbours across the alley have their sprinkler on. Its not our designated watering day. Now that I think about it, they've had it on for at least the last three evenings. Not that I care enough to report them. But the sound of their sprinkler grinds on my nerves as I think about my dying lawn.

Damn weeds!

Dry and cracking foundations.
Horribly wilted plants.
Dead or dying grass.
Water restrictions.
Sweltering heat.
Summer.

I've moved off LJ to my own blog site The Scott English Show (see here for an explanation). But for those of you that don't want to have to go visit yet another site to read my witty, humourous insights, tfcocs was ever so kind as to create an syndicated LJ feed for me:

The Scott English Show

Just subscribe to it and get your regular dose served right up in your LJ Friends page.

Thanks tfcocs!

That's right ladies and gentleman, and good friends. I'm outta here. Blowing this joint. Abandoning ship. Bailing. Booking out of here.

Most of you have noticed that I have not been posting recently... and that's true. I haven't. But that's primarily because I have been concentrating heavily on a new project... conceptualizing it, implementing it, putting it together and tweaking it.

Whats this new project you might ask?

My own website. With my own blog.

Why? Because I have so much more control, so much more room to be creative, and so much more flexibility with my own site that LJ just doesn't give me.

So here's where I ask a favour of all my friends. If you can remember when I posted more regularly, if you can remember having a chuckle over something I posted, if you can remember finding any of my stuff interesting... then I ask you to come check out The Scott English Show. And please bookmark and come visit me regularly. I'll be updating content regularly. Seriously. Now that I have something that is MINE, I am much more interested in expressing myself and blabbing on. So if you want to come and see what I am rambling about, make sure you stop by.

Note: As it always has been, feedback is a sort of fuel that pushes me onward, lets me know your thoughts, and tells me what you like and don't. It also lets me get to know a bit more about you. So please comment, if you feel like you have something to say. I know the fact that you need to go to another site just to read ME is going to lose some of your readership. And that makes me a little sad, but this is a new direction I need to go in. So please stop by and comment like madmen.

Mostly the site currently contains what *I* consider my more memorable posts ported over from LJ. Hey browse anyway, you might discover some stuff you missed before now. And new content is imminent.

Does this mean you should just de-friend me on LJ now? I hope not. I'll still be here. I'll still occasionally post the day to day stuff that doesn't have a place on The Scott English Show. And I'll still be back here regularly reading you all and commenting when I have something witty to add ;) So, I hope I don't lose any of you off LJ as a result. You are on my friends list because I enjoy reading you. That wont change.

Wish me luck, and come stop by: The Scott English Show

*struts*

Its at the bottom of the Recent Developments section, last paragraph.

Finally... all that hard work pays off. *rolls eyes*

Some of the reason I've been quiet recently: I've almost completed updating my resume. With any luck it will increase the nibbles I've been getting from small fish, and perhaps even hook a large game fish.

I would appreciate any constructive criticism.

Danka!

FOr some readspnm I decided to try to get myself baxxck into touchjtyoung. Its going to br a lonf drawn out ride!

Translation: For some reason I decided to try to get myself back into touchtyping. Its going to be a log drawn out ride!

I feel like Stephen Hawkins. Except, well... less brilliant.

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it's worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.

(courtesy of my wife via email)

- If I ever owned a market I would make sure that it was round. That way, no bastard could sneak in and corner it.

- WTFWJD?

- When people find out that I'm an Australian, they often ask me to tell them about my country. If I delve into the history of the country, I try to refer to it as a prison colony, not a penal colony. That way I dont give the impression that it was just a male-only nudist resort.

- If I am ever out in the fields and I get attacked by a giant beetle of some sort, I am going to run for the nearest stretch of concrete. When the hungry beetle follows, I am going to suddenly turn around and barge into it, knocking it onto its back. Then I shall taunt it as it tries to right itself. If the barging thing doesn't work, I'll just keep running.

- In a previous post, my wife responded and asked if anyone could imagine what it was like living with me. I'll tell you. Its like a barrel of laughs: a lot of laughs in a slightly rotund container.

---

This guy's interpretation of The Evolution of Dance is as good, if not better than that trombone guy's performance! (Ganked from momof4sweeties).

I got into lots of trouble while learning to drive.
I had a problem using the brake pedal.
It wasn't because I didnt want to come to a stop.
I just didn't know if I could afford to replace what I broke.

I like watering plants.
It gives me a sense of power over the plants.
Because they cannot water themselves.
Don't piss me off, plant, or I shall not water you.

The other day my wife asked my daughter to clean her room.
I said to my wife, "Why didn't you just ask her to cure cancer, you'll have the same result."

I had a pot of cactii in which two of the cactii died suddenly.
I left the dead cactii in the pot to serve as a warning to all of the other cactii that were having rebellious thoughts:
"This is what you will look like if you stray from the path of growth and development."
You see, cactii appreciate negative reinforcement, they use it themselves:
If you try to stroke a cactus lovingly, it will prick you.
I think they will get my message.

When I was a kid I discovered a frozen slug in our freezer.
I was confused as to how he got there.
Then I realised that he must have come in on the iceberg lettuce.

When I dig a hole in the dirt, I like to make a mound out of the extra dirt as close as I can to the hole. That way I wont throw off the earth's gravitational spin.

I like digging in clay because its texturally challenging. Other dirt is like"oh ok", but clay is like "No! I'm going to hang around here for a while."

Male cats have it easy. All they need to worry about is getting it in the box. They have no concerns about female cats bitching that they didn't put the seat down.

Taking a nap on your weekend is nice until you wake up and wonder where the hell it all went and then realise you have to go back to work tomorrow.

While watching Iron Chef America this evening I stumbled upon a very disconcerting discovery about Alton Brown:

He prefers the legs and thighs of a chicken!

He's a dark meat kind of person.

And as such I am now convinced, despite all previous evidence to the contrary, that the gentleman has a warped sense of taste. Or perhaps even none at all. Dark meat is definitely not good eats.

*sigh*

And so I head back into my kitchen, down one role model that I used to look up to.... Rachel, please don't abandon me like that heathen, Alton.

Signing out for now,
Zeph. (confirmed breast man)

BTW: Amy now likes Mr. Brown even more than before. Bunch of freaks!

I failed tonight in delivering dinner: Asparagus Parcels.

I now have an official arch-nemesis in the kitchen: Phyllo Dough. And I do declare: "From this day forth, no Phyllo Dough will pass across my cutting board".

I'm only posting this because Amy liked the title. You can all move along, and I'll go wimper in the corner...hungry.

Είναι όλα τα ελληνικά σε με.

The Carpet Mowing has been completed.

The muscles in my lower back are screaming in protest. Voices that will likely fall on the deaf ears of the evil dicatator that controls this body.

More work to do. What's next on the list?

Today I arrived at work, three hours later than my usual starting time, and no one cared. They just smiled curious slanty smiles.

Today I looked at my list of tasks and projects to complete at work, and it was blank except for a penciled in smiley with a curious slanty smile in the bottom right corner of the page.

Today I decided, in the abscence of anything worthwhile to occupy my time, I would clean up my mess of an office, only to look around and discover that it is neat and tidy.

Today I am going to lean back in my leather pilot's chair and take a nap that will last me for the rest of the day and put a curious slanty smile on my face.

Today is Rabbit Hole Day.

( Recipe )

- I played around with the (more to taste) ingredients in several experimental batches but found that the original recipe, though lacking a little kick, resulted in the most tasty pepitas.

- Make sure that your pepitas are spead as thinly as possible as they go into the oven. Pepitas piled up tend not to puff up and retain that green raw flavour. What you are really looking for is that puffed up pepita (sort of like popcorn), that has a new unique taste that is enhanced by the spices.

- crickie: Some of these will be heading your way in the near future. Please let gundawg try SOME too if he is interested. I'd be interested in what both of you think of them.

( Recipe )

- I couldn't find any matzo meal despite Amy's directions to look in the Jewish section. Having failed on my quest, she promptly went out and got some for me. I guess that means there is little to no Jew in me. :(

- These things are bloody delicious!

- Squeezing all of the fluids out of the potatoes and onions in a dishtowel takes a bit of muscle. Its a bit of a pain, but certainly worth it.

- If you like hashbrowns, or potato cakes, you haven't tried anything until you try these.

- Even heated up leftovers are scrumptious!

( recipe )

- I was a little concerned about this recipe. Radicchio has a bitter aftertaste and I knew that Amy had expressed some distaste for this sort of lettuce before. On top of that, I was not sure myself if a dish that centered around something as bitter as Radicchio would be a great idea.
- I used only one head of raddichio. Primarily because there were only two heads at the store and the second looked like it was on its last legs. Having now prepared this dish, I dont know how each serving could be equivalent to a head of radicchio. Thats a lot of bitter lettuce. I chose to keep all of the ingredients at their recommended amounts, figuring that it might cut the bitterness a little. I found that it ended up a little oily. Amy didnt seem to think so though.
- Parmigiano-Reggiano was right out on this occasion so we meekly substituted some Romano. In fact, I forgot the cheese altogether on the salads until Amy went back for seconds. The cheese really worked well to cut the bitterness and make the dish milder. The original cheese called for in this recipe would probably do the same and provide a nutty accent to the dish.
- Amy was quite dumbfounded by this recipe. This is not something that she expected to like... and yet she wanted more and said that she could have it again the next day.

Overall, and interesting dish that I will probably pop in again in the future.

( recipe )

- This was an extremely simple and easy recipe, and turned out quite well and tasty.
- Instead of green chiles I substituted some peppers from my own plants.
- Instead of your garden variety ketchup, I substituted curry ketchup.
- Amy and I both enjoyed this dish and she absconded with the left overs for her lunch the next day.

( Recipe )

- I used a single can of coconut milk for this recipe. There was enough cream at the top of the can, and milk in the remainder of the can to meet the recipes requirements.
- The substitute I used for the Hot Curry Paste (see recipe) is actually indian, and this is a thai recipe. However it worked very well and the end result was a deeper browner taste to the curry, instead of a lighter less substantial taste that is typical to thai curries.
- I used canned bamboo shoots and they were perfectly fine.
- Instead of a thai chile, I used a couple of various peppers from my own pepper plants.
- I used traditional sticky rice, which was perfect with the curry.

Amy died for this dish. She said that she would gladly pay money for this dish at a restaurant and that she would be happy to eat it again the next day. She appropriated the left overs for her lunch the next day (I made some more rice to accompany it), and emailed me during the day to tell me how great it was.

This is definitely high up on the list of repeatable meals.

Quote of the evening:

"Ready to go, in the sack"
- Rachael Ray, "Rachael Ray's Holiday Entertaining"

Oh. My.

Pilates can kiss my fat stomach!

( Recipe )

- In retrospect I should have cooked this recipe earlier in the year during pepper season because all of the Anaheim peppers we were able to get our hands on were quite sad and small. Not great for stuffing. I should have taken Amy's suggestion and used some poblano peppers she found.

- The Anaheim peppers were quite frustrating to stuff without decimating entirely, but I got there in the end.

- I didn't realise Feta cheese is pretty much goat cheese. Naive maybe. Now I know :)

This was an excellent recipe and the two of us scarfed down the peppers. Quite delicious. I will definitely do this again next year during pepper season.

Halloween 2005.

I arrive home from work shortly after 7:00pm. The neighbourhood was already crawling with tiny ghosts, and princesses, and spidermen.

Flicking the front porch light on, I set about putting the final touches to our Halloween decorations inbetween doling out candy to little munchkins that came to the door. Nearly 70% of the candy had been given out by the time Amy arrived home at around 8:30. She promptly got dressed in her costume and gave me a break so I could go and don mine.

( Then the fun really began. )

I woke up a couple of times this morning in a panic: I was sure that I had overslept and would be late for work.

Thank God its Saturday.

I'm a little slow on this... apologies.

For those of you whom don't already know the results, the winner of The Great Pumpkin Carve-Off 2005 has been decided by you the readers. And the winner with a landslide victory was crickie's Cannibal Pumpkin.

I'd like to offer my congratulations to crickie. She came out with a wonderfully creative pumpkin that really was deserving of your votes, and her well earned title of The Great Pumpkinhead for the next year.

And to all of you that voted, thank you :)

A special thank you to seidhrcat for recognising subtle genius in pumpkin carving.

And as a side note I'd like to mention that as I promised in my post about the competition, the following people should expect a visit from a nasty ogre in the next few days for not voting for my pumpkin: ijk, pacalissanctum, rufushonkeriv, itches, momof4sweeties, aussie_nyc, roboho, gandryyne, crystalsage, gundawg, malakabernmarx, feuders, the_grapevine, and shadesong.

As I told crystalsage, When you see him, be sure to say Hi. His name is Bill. And he likes Blonde jokes. If you make him laugh enough, he may forget about teaching you a lesson for not voting for my pumpkin! ;)

Today I saw a commercial type van drive by. In large letters painted across the vast majority of the side of the van were these words:

Need
Office Space?
Call (some number)

My first thought was: "Damn, they must have a lot of copies of that movie!"

There was a can of Coke already sitting in the vending machine dispenser when I went to get a drink. I looked around suspiciously, then quickly snatched the Coke and scurried off.

Score.

What are the Universal Physical and Metaphysical Laws of Laundry that indicate that whenever one carries an armful of laundry from point A to point B, part of said laundry (usually socks or underwear) will jetison from the armload to land on the ground partway along the journey, which you then have to make a second journey to come back and collect?

Perhaps, I can understand why socks carry out this sort of behaviour, being the rebels of the World of Attire, as evidenced by the ability of one of any given pair to dissapear in the washing/drying process (presumeably run off to live in a paradise where socks are free to be as dirty and smelly as they damn well please). But underwear? And the other occasional garments, just jumping overboard for no apparent reason at all?

Sock wanna-be's?

Are we really so cruel to our clothing that they take any opportunity to make a great escape?

Dear friends of Scott ("Zephirknight"),

As the executor of his estate it is my sad duty to inform you that he passed away in a terrible cleaning accident in the kitchen of his Dallas, TX, home last night. The Dallas District Coroner has ruled the death as accidental. According to the incident report the accident occurred while he was cleaning out his garbage disposal. The disposal mechanism is believed to have engaged, resulting in the death.

He is survived by his wife and stepdaughter, many close relatives, and friends. I knew Scott briefly, and he struck me as a fine, humorous, easy going gentleman. I am sure that the world will be a little less brighter for his passing.

Please join me in wishing his family and loved ones the best.

The final task that I have here as part of this notice is to provide photographic evidence, released from the local authorities, of the scene of the accident for the legal purposes of this Notice of Death.

( Graphic content that may disturb some viewers )

crickie and I are having a little friendly Halloween pumpkin carving competition. Please take a moment to go and have a look at her post HERE, and register your vote for the pumpkin that you think looks best.

And if you don't vote for mine, I'll send a bloody big scary ogre around to frighten the bejeezus out of you!

123 Schwarzenegger Street.

Brought to you by the letters G, O and P.

Even includes a bouncing ball so that you can sing along!

"The ultimate stocking stuffer is a severed foot."
- Mitch Headburg

Spaghetti Recipe

1. Take some spaghetti and drop it into a pot of boiling water.
2. Prepare a red spaghetti sauce filled with olives, herbs, and other good tasty stuff.
3. Toast half a loaf of garlic bread.
4. When spaghetti is al dente, throw it in the trash.
5. Generously spread delicious red spaghetti sauce over garlic bread.
6. Enjoy being in hog heaven

Seriously.

Spaghetti is bland, boring, and you rarely get any really scrumptious bits. Its like the Ann Rice of the pasta world, its only value being to draw your attention to how much you enjoy what is being served around it.

Now red sauce on toasted garlic bread? Thats spiffy!

Amy sent this to me today. I think it has a lot of merit:

Most of America's populace thinks it very improper to spank children, so my spouse and I have tried other methods to control our kids when they have one of "those moments."

One that we found very effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our little car ride together.

I've included the photo below of one of my sessions, with our son, in case you would like to use the technique.


It’s very effective!!!